01/17/2025

Today I wanted to talk about something that is very hard for me, having self-confidence. Friday's for me at work have a weird affect on my emotions and send my anxiety spiraling. Every Friday, I have a meeting with my supervisor, who I absolutely adore, but I always get extremely nervous before them. I have no reason to be lately, but I am so hard on myself that I start making up scenarios that would cause me to get in trouble.

The meeting went well I even got praise for doing a good job. It was after this meeting that I stopped my time clock and took a second to think. I was so nervous the I was uncomfortably sweating and got sick to my stomach. I did nothing that warranted being so anxious and so nervous, but the thought that I could have done anything to my supervisor brought out this reaction. This made me realize that this is a big issue that I carry every day. The very thought of upsetting somebody who I care a lot about paralyzes me. I shut down and can't do anything.

How can I combat this overwhelming feeling of self-doubt? The easy answer is to have confidence in myself and my ability to do my job not only at work, but also at home. The reality of it is though, that is a lot easier said than done. Getting compliments, completing tasks on time, and finishing a long overdue project at home is a good boost in confidence, but I know I have a long road ahead of me. The important thing to remember is the feeling I get when those things happen. I get a sense of pride in myself. I get that boost in confidence I need, but it quickly goes away. I do notice that that confidence lasts longer the more and more it happens though.

In conclusion, I know that this isn't going to be something that can be fixed easily. That a miracle isn't going to happen overnight. But, if I can stay on track and keep performing, I will get the compliments, and the boosts in confidence I need over and over again. 

Thank you for taking the time to read this. Your time is appreciated and valued! Remember, always be kind.