01/24/2025

       Let's just say that today was a rollercoaster of emotions, but I want to think I made my way out of it better. It was a day of strong reflection on how I'm seen through the eyes of my child and my wife. Or I should say, how I envision I am seen through their eyes. It was not pretty, and there were moments of tears at the most inopportune times.

       I actually felt decent this morning, which is good cause I've been sick for about three days now. Even though I was feeling better, I still had concerns like I do every Friday before my meeting. Concerns that aren't warranted, and are usually quickly diffused by my supervisor at work. Sometimes I think she keeps my meeting in the AM because she knows she can calm my nerves down on work related items, allowing me to focus for the rest of the day. Thank you for that by the way. I also know my wife thanks you, because she can notice a pep in my step right after that meeting. Keeping on the topic of work, working from home has it's advantages, but sometimes I feel like I miss the workplace comradery. Thankfully, we have weekly meetings that let us catch-up and have meaningful interactions.

       Fast-forward to me on my way to pick my son up from school. I'm just about to get off the highway while listening to my favorite podcast, Distractible, when all of a sudden my brain starts. "Am I doing anything to make my son proud to call me his dad?" I couldn't think of a single thing, and that was all it took for the water-works to start. Thankfully I have a box of tissues in my car, between my kid just getting over being sick and me on the mend. The rest of my dive until I parked at the school, I couldn't stop crying. I was able to compose myself, only letting a few more tears out for the rest of the ride home.

       The rest of the day I wanted to prove to myself that I can get better, that this is only a set-back, that this is only temporary. I was focused and determined to cross things off my list that I had been avoiding. For no particular reason, other than I've been lazy. After work was finished, which I feel I finished strong, I set out to clean the fish tank, give the dog a bath, and have dinner ready for when my family got home. I got everything accomplished for the most part, except for dinner had a couple minutes left when they got home. Not faulting myself for that, because I did get the other tasks accomplished. Mt dog smells good and my fish are swimming around in clean water, WIN! The one thing I want to put more efforts in, is doing more things to make my son proud of me, and proud to call me his father. I want to lead by example more, so I am starting to take my health more seriously, and I want to be more active.